"I believe in manicures. I believe in overdressing. I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing; kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles."- Audrey Hepburn

Sep 9, 2009

Why sex?

Biologically speaking, it is inevitable that sex plays a crucial role to every species as it basically determines the route of DNA that will be passed on to the next generation. It can be said that sex and reproduction are instincts that exists to serve the purpose of survival and evolution. That got me thinking (I think a lot, don’t I?): Does human, the most advanced and developed species, still acts on instinct when it comes to sex?

It is necessary to take in consideration the basic condition of sexual selection: to look for the best mate in order to produce quality and probable offspring. This is also known as reproductive fitness. In the wild world, within species, animals compete against each other to win over an “outstanding” mate. Put it in Darwin’s words, sexual selection is the “struggle between the individuals of one sex, generally the males, for the possession of the other sex”. It is the same situation within human species, millions of sperms are produced but only one can reach the egg and become the important one. This process, however, is uncontrollable by human. What is it, then, that human look for when they consider their partners?

Evolutionary psychology says that human respond to different things. Attraction ranges from appearance, voices, movements to personality. Experiments have found out that for short-term relationships, women tend to pick out more physically attractive and masculine guys; while for long-term relationship, the majority of women pay more attention to personality and actions.

As a matter of fact, human prefers mates with strong gene pools in order to preserve the quality of their later generations. As a result, most people know that, logically, they should be out looking for “high quality” characteristics in their partners: beauty, sexiness, strength, intelligence, capability and, the list goes on. Everyone wants their partners to be a successful, attractive and outstanding person. Nevertheless, most of the time, it seems like we just go with what brings about good feelings. A person does not have to possess all top-notch quality but still can be surprisingly attractive to another person.

It seems that we cannot quite understand yet the causes and control of infatuation, desire and, here comes the big word, love. That means we might not know who our “perfect partner” a.k.a “soul mate” is. Then, do we choose “THE other half” by “The guidelines of good gene pool” in the biology book? Or do we choose by the butterflies in our stomach? It is a pretty common belief that women tend to use the left more emotional side of their brains and men the right more logical side. But is it really that cut and dry? It seems that when it comes to affairs of the heart, there's a battle between what we know and what we feel. So what do you do when you find yourself in a situation that leaps back and forth between the left and the right side? When it comes to relationships, is it a matter of the heart, or the head? And, where exactly does sex come into the picture? Does it belong to the head, or the heart?


Sep 7, 2009

How'd you like your coffee?

“Good morning, on July 7.

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours”

Yes, indeed, this is the famous love letter that was quoted more than once in Sex and the City. I was so impressed, and moved, by the phrase “ever thine, ever mine, ever ours” that I went out of my way to do a research on whether there exists such a book as “Love Letters from Great Men” in an attempt to get my very own copy. The truth is, there was no such book (what a shame). However, since these are, indeed, love letters from great men, it wasn’t at all difficult to attain a copy of them.

Going through these heart-moving letters one by one really gets me thinking: what if one day, I wake up and find a version of a so-called love letter, hand written and fill with sweet, romantic words, left by an anonymous being on my desk, how would I feel?

Would my heart flutters with warm feelings, knowing that in this world, there is a person who would welcome me with such a special “good morning” it makes my day filled with radiant sunlight and an unlimited source of energy? Would I be so captivated by his words that I would immerse myself in the world of him and my love for him?

That certainly does not sound right to me. Indeed, this, would be my reaction: “What the fuck?”, with a raised eyebrow, goosebumps and a doubtful mind. I would be filled with such confusion and agitation and would tell my friends as if it was a joke. They would reply with “ew”, “yuck” and as many negative words as one can imagine.

Although, deep inside, I probably was waiting for a confirmation that such a romantic movement still exist in this world. I thought to myself, isn’t it strange how girls watch tearful dramas and heart-felt movies, they read novels and fictions that are filled with Prince Charming and sweet moments, dreaming of their own story, yet, when they face with their dreamt scenes in reality, they turn away with such hostility. As for myself, I feel perfectly comfortable without a relationship. I enjoy the feeling of being in control and independent. Affectionate actions and smooth words, for me, associate with phony guys and send the shiver down my spine.

When I put my status as “How would you feel if one day you walk out of the door and see the love of your life” and the only answer I got was “then you know that he is a freaking traitor because nothing is worth love at first sight”, I know that the situation has reach the alert level. They just can’t take it, can they?

It really gets me thinking. Have we settled for a sugar-free existence? I mean, nowadays, we accept Tasty Delight instead of ice cream, a cup of concentrated café au lait with absolute no sugar, emails instead of letters, screaming music instead of love songs, jokes instead of poetry. It is no wonder when we face the real thing, we can’t stomach it. Is it something we could learn to digest, once again? Or have we all become romantic – intolerant?

I wonder, have I forgotten the feeling of anxiously waiting for a familiar figure to appear at the classroom’s door? Have I disregard the helpless attempt to control the blood rushing to my cheek or to control the heart that is furiously out of beat? Have I ignored the exuberant feelings after receiving even a three-word text, yet gaining a source of energy that would lead me through the day with the smile constantly on my face, feeling like I’m flying above the ground? Have I not taken into consideration the warmth of the fingers that take my hands protectively when I couldn’t find my way in the dark? Or have I not thought about the arms that put around me tenderly and the voice that sooths away my frustrations and tears?

It seems that once my heart gets hurt, I forget all about the sweetness and all that remains are pain and wounds. Somebody has said, love gives girls energy and motivation. I wonder how much energy and motivation toward the next love does a girl need to be able to move on? I wonder if the consequences are so great that I even have to tell myself that I must build up my own immune system to defend against the sugar-coated toxic virus.

Human are weak, because it hurts, we try to avoid it. However, would it be a shame if because of the fear of the bitterness, we deny our moments of sweetness?

Would you really want to enjoy a delightful cup of café au lait with cream and sugar? Or would you rather endure the bitterness to spare the consequences that the tiny teaspoon for sugar would do to their heart and blood pressure? That, is your decision to make.

After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart, the best we can do is breath, and reboot. And when that fails, a little spoon of optimism and hope can provide us with a surprising amount of comfort.

So can a boyfriend, if you can learn to let him in (and learn not to say “What the fuck?” on receiving a love letter.)

Sept 7, 09