Nhiều lúc nghĩ...

Nhiều lúc ước gì mình cũng có vài tài vặt, giỏi đủ để phục vụ mua vui cho người khác.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình vẽ giỏi để có thể làm ra những tác phẩm hay hay đẹp đẹp những lúc vui hoặc buồn, hoặc tự thiết kế nhà mình trong tương lại.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình có trí tưởng tượng tốt và một tinh thần bất cần để có thể định nghĩa style của riêng mình, để ngày ngày có thể update fashion blog của riêng mình.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình học nhiếp ảnh đàng hoàng để có thể ghi lại những khoảnh khắc trong đời mình tốt hơn

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình học Photoshop, HTML và Java tới nơi tới chốn để mỗi lúc làm website và flyer không phải lật lật sách và type type google để tìm code và ý tưởng.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình chăm chỉ tập tành piano và guitar để những lúc buồn có thể chơi đàn an ủi bản thân và những lúc vui có thể mua vui cho người khác.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình có thể đi học baking tới nơi tới chốn để những lúc sinh nhật bạn bè không phải !$C!$!*%!(#$C!(&$!& vì bánh đổ khuôn không đúng.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình thông minh hơn một tí trong các môn Toán, Lý, Hoá để có thể đủ tự tin học những môn khó hơn như Biomedical Engineering.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình có thêm nhiều nhiều nhiều hơn nữa cái nhiệt huyết dành cho môn Sinh để lao đầu vào học và tìm intern và không phải suy nghĩ xem hè này kiếm việc gì làm cho đỡ rách việc. 

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình có chí học hành thêm nhiều nhiều hơn nữa để tối thứ tư không đóng tập sách đi party khi  mà thứ sáu thi đến nơi.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình có một trí nhớ siêu việt, một tinh thần thép và đôi bàn tay vững vàng để có thể làm một học sinh ưu tú của khoa ER.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ mình học nhiều thứ, thứ gì cũng biết đôi chút mà không có thứ gì đến nơi đến chốn.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ sao mình bình thường quá trong cả trăm triệu người trên quả đất này.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ mình phải làm sao để không bình thường và phải làm gì để có thể thực hiện cái ước mơ một-ngày-nào-đó-tôi-sẽ -là-người-không-bình-thường cao tít tắp kia.

I believe and will always believe that hard work pays off. However, once in a while, I wish that I could be a little bit more than just ‘hard work’.

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now

Yeah, I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this
Cause after all the partying, the smashin' and crashin'
And all the glips and the glam and the fashion
And all the pandemonium and all the madness
There comes a time where you fade to the blackness
And when you starin' at that phone in your lap
And you hopin' but them people never call you back
But that's just how the story unfolds
You get another hand soon after you fold
And when your plans unravel in the sand
What would you wish for if you had one chance 

....

[Airplanes - B.O.B ft. Hayley Williams]

[az]

Free ... fall?

When I looked back on my old entries, the last decent piece I wrote was after Christmas break. That was the time when the ground was still covered in white snow and my life was consumed by work, work and work. In a blink of an eye, now, outside of my window, the cherry blossoms are “pinking” the campus and the birds are chirping (even when you’re in the library trying to study for finals). Suddenly, it makes me feel kind of sad how fast life go and how much I have been consumed by certain things I miss many chances to live it the way I want to. 

Time flies by. Before I realize it, Viv has technically already done with her college career, Dung and HH are graduating next year and many many many of my other friends are already working and making their living. Around me, people are studying abroad, doing internship, travelling, working, getting married, building their family, … Around me, people are constantly moving on, growing up …

Here I am, still a freshman in college, cannot do anything but helplessly looking at others around me fly high. I am still dependent on my parents, still complain about those papers I have to do and still get lazy and refuse to do work. Honestly, I’m yearning to be able to get out there, to be one of the many in the world who is able to say that they work for themselves and they contribute to the society. Why can’t I just learn everything I need already and get out there and do something?

Every time I have free time to sit back, look out my window and think, I feel like I am wasting time. I ask myself “What am I doing with my life? Shouldn’t I be busy with something?” I am worried because I am not worried. I get scared and anxious when there is not enough stress and anxiety in my life. But even when I’m busy and stressed, I still feel like I am wandering aimlessly and doing things without knowing why I am doing it. 

 

I got to think about days gone by, that carefree time when our schedules were as wide open as our hearts. The time before school and work and relationships began to wind us all down. I couldn’t help but wonder does that sense of adventure still flicker inside of us? Or when it comes to being carefree single girls, have we missed the boat? Or more precisely, have I missed the boat? Have I missed my opportunity to dream big? Have I become too realistic about life that I do not work for my dream anymore? What is it that I am doing exactly?

Today, my psychology professor gave us feedback on our personality tests. Apparently, my need for achievement is not as high as I thought it was. I just implanted in my mind the idea that I am a high-achieving person, while deep inside, I am not at all. 

After all, I am just afraid that I will fall. Or maybe, I AM already falling ….

[az]

[Opportunity to Cry]

[Week 6 - Opportunity to Cry]

      Things that make you feel good about life:

  1. Wake up early enough to see the sunrise and make yourself a cup of coffee

  2. Realize that the readings for your course is actually extremely interesting and entertaining
 3. A friend offers to take you out for dinner

  4. Knowing that you only have 2 finals and feel ready enough to not worry about them

  5. When the number on the countdown of the day to go home is single digit and mommy called and asked what you wanted to eat when you arrived home.

       I am feeling blissfully peaceful despite the fact that this is final week and that I should be studying my ass off for all the finals. However, it seems like I have no care in the world right now. You know that feeling when all the hardwork is over and you just want to not do anything already? That exactly what I feel right now. I have to try my best to resist the urge not to go out with friends, cook, bake, pack, clean the room, anything but studying.

       I was gonna choose "Good Morning" but somehow this song makes me feel even better than the other one. I like Prisciall Ahn's voice. She makes me feel like there's nothing to worry about in the world. Like this song, the title is depressing, the lyrics is sad but oddly enough, it gives me peace. It's life on an optimistic side...?

Opportunity to Cry

           Priscilla Ahn

just watch the sun rise
on the other side of town
once more i've waited
and once more you've let me down

this would be a perfect time for me to die
so i'd like to take this opportunity to cry

you gave your word
now i return it to you
with this suggestion
as to what you can do

just exchange my words "i love you" for "goodbye"
while i take this opportunity to cry

i'd like to see you fine i'm afraid
i don't know wrong from right
and if i saw you would i kiss you or want to kill you?

oh god

it's been a long night
so i think i'll go home
and feed my nightmares
they been waiting all night long

they'll be the last ones to tell me "goodbye"
and they'll give me many, many opportunities to cry

Here's a song for the radio
  Here's a line from the heart 

[Az]