Nhiều lúc nghĩ...

Nhiều lúc ước gì mình cũng có vài tài vặt, giỏi đủ để phục vụ mua vui cho người khác.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình vẽ giỏi để có thể làm ra những tác phẩm hay hay đẹp đẹp những lúc vui hoặc buồn, hoặc tự thiết kế nhà mình trong tương lại.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình có trí tưởng tượng tốt và một tinh thần bất cần để có thể định nghĩa style của riêng mình, để ngày ngày có thể update fashion blog của riêng mình.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình học nhiếp ảnh đàng hoàng để có thể ghi lại những khoảnh khắc trong đời mình tốt hơn

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình học Photoshop, HTML và Java tới nơi tới chốn để mỗi lúc làm website và flyer không phải lật lật sách và type type google để tìm code và ý tưởng.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình chăm chỉ tập tành piano và guitar để những lúc buồn có thể chơi đàn an ủi bản thân và những lúc vui có thể mua vui cho người khác.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình có thể đi học baking tới nơi tới chốn để những lúc sinh nhật bạn bè không phải !$C!$!*%!(#$C!(&$!& vì bánh đổ khuôn không đúng.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình thông minh hơn một tí trong các môn Toán, Lý, Hoá để có thể đủ tự tin học những môn khó hơn như Biomedical Engineering.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình có thêm nhiều nhiều nhiều hơn nữa cái nhiệt huyết dành cho môn Sinh để lao đầu vào học và tìm intern và không phải suy nghĩ xem hè này kiếm việc gì làm cho đỡ rách việc. 

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình có chí học hành thêm nhiều nhiều hơn nữa để tối thứ tư không đóng tập sách đi party khi  mà thứ sáu thi đến nơi.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ phải chi mình có một trí nhớ siêu việt, một tinh thần thép và đôi bàn tay vững vàng để có thể làm một học sinh ưu tú của khoa ER.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ mình học nhiều thứ, thứ gì cũng biết đôi chút mà không có thứ gì đến nơi đến chốn.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ sao mình bình thường quá trong cả trăm triệu người trên quả đất này.

Nhiều lúc nghĩ mình phải làm sao để không bình thường và phải làm gì để có thể thực hiện cái ước mơ một-ngày-nào-đó-tôi-sẽ -là-người-không-bình-thường cao tít tắp kia.

I believe and will always believe that hard work pays off. However, once in a while, I wish that I could be a little bit more than just ‘hard work’.

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now

Yeah, I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this
Cause after all the partying, the smashin' and crashin'
And all the glips and the glam and the fashion
And all the pandemonium and all the madness
There comes a time where you fade to the blackness
And when you starin' at that phone in your lap
And you hopin' but them people never call you back
But that's just how the story unfolds
You get another hand soon after you fold
And when your plans unravel in the sand
What would you wish for if you had one chance 

....

[Airplanes - B.O.B ft. Hayley Williams]

[az]

Free ... fall?

When I looked back on my old entries, the last decent piece I wrote was after Christmas break. That was the time when the ground was still covered in white snow and my life was consumed by work, work and work. In a blink of an eye, now, outside of my window, the cherry blossoms are “pinking” the campus and the birds are chirping (even when you’re in the library trying to study for finals). Suddenly, it makes me feel kind of sad how fast life go and how much I have been consumed by certain things I miss many chances to live it the way I want to. 

Time flies by. Before I realize it, Viv has technically already done with her college career, Dung and HH are graduating next year and many many many of my other friends are already working and making their living. Around me, people are studying abroad, doing internship, travelling, working, getting married, building their family, … Around me, people are constantly moving on, growing up …

Here I am, still a freshman in college, cannot do anything but helplessly looking at others around me fly high. I am still dependent on my parents, still complain about those papers I have to do and still get lazy and refuse to do work. Honestly, I’m yearning to be able to get out there, to be one of the many in the world who is able to say that they work for themselves and they contribute to the society. Why can’t I just learn everything I need already and get out there and do something?

Every time I have free time to sit back, look out my window and think, I feel like I am wasting time. I ask myself “What am I doing with my life? Shouldn’t I be busy with something?” I am worried because I am not worried. I get scared and anxious when there is not enough stress and anxiety in my life. But even when I’m busy and stressed, I still feel like I am wandering aimlessly and doing things without knowing why I am doing it. 

 

I got to think about days gone by, that carefree time when our schedules were as wide open as our hearts. The time before school and work and relationships began to wind us all down. I couldn’t help but wonder does that sense of adventure still flicker inside of us? Or when it comes to being carefree single girls, have we missed the boat? Or more precisely, have I missed the boat? Have I missed my opportunity to dream big? Have I become too realistic about life that I do not work for my dream anymore? What is it that I am doing exactly?

Today, my psychology professor gave us feedback on our personality tests. Apparently, my need for achievement is not as high as I thought it was. I just implanted in my mind the idea that I am a high-achieving person, while deep inside, I am not at all. 

After all, I am just afraid that I will fall. Or maybe, I AM already falling ….

[az]

[Opportunity to Cry]

[Week 6 - Opportunity to Cry]

      Things that make you feel good about life:

  1. Wake up early enough to see the sunrise and make yourself a cup of coffee

  2. Realize that the readings for your course is actually extremely interesting and entertaining
 3. A friend offers to take you out for dinner

  4. Knowing that you only have 2 finals and feel ready enough to not worry about them

  5. When the number on the countdown of the day to go home is single digit and mommy called and asked what you wanted to eat when you arrived home.

       I am feeling blissfully peaceful despite the fact that this is final week and that I should be studying my ass off for all the finals. However, it seems like I have no care in the world right now. You know that feeling when all the hardwork is over and you just want to not do anything already? That exactly what I feel right now. I have to try my best to resist the urge not to go out with friends, cook, bake, pack, clean the room, anything but studying.

       I was gonna choose "Good Morning" but somehow this song makes me feel even better than the other one. I like Prisciall Ahn's voice. She makes me feel like there's nothing to worry about in the world. Like this song, the title is depressing, the lyrics is sad but oddly enough, it gives me peace. It's life on an optimistic side...?

Opportunity to Cry

           Priscilla Ahn

just watch the sun rise
on the other side of town
once more i've waited
and once more you've let me down

this would be a perfect time for me to die
so i'd like to take this opportunity to cry

you gave your word
now i return it to you
with this suggestion
as to what you can do

just exchange my words "i love you" for "goodbye"
while i take this opportunity to cry

i'd like to see you fine i'm afraid
i don't know wrong from right
and if i saw you would i kiss you or want to kill you?

oh god

it's been a long night
so i think i'll go home
and feed my nightmares
they been waiting all night long

they'll be the last ones to tell me "goodbye"
and they'll give me many, many opportunities to cry

Here's a song for the radio
  Here's a line from the heart 

[Az]

.: There's always going to be another mountain :.

[Week 5 - The Climb]

Ugh, after the period of hell that last for 8 weeks, in which I had less than 8 hours a week and pulling all-nighters for 4 nights in a row was a piece of cake, now I find myself in a mode of idleness. I cannot stop sleeping :( 

Moreover, today is a beautiful day. The sun is shining, the cherry blossoms are blooming and everyone is out drinking because it is D-Day *laugh* I'm about to go have my weekly brunch with "the guys", that's how Lena and I called them. They are not only the people I hang out with on weekends, drink and party with but also my source of support and encouragement. They have helped me through lots of tough times, like gentle and kind big brothers. So I am looking forward to this brunch, since I haven't been able to be around them, happily, for a while. 

Other than that, I'm going shopping for things to go home and later will start study for real this time. I wonder how far I can go on the studying while there will be drunk people walking around and crazy carnival activties everywhere. Therefore, a few words for self-encouragement:

[The Climb - Joe McElderry]

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high


There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb


The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
The pain I'm knowing
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,


There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb


There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb


Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

Here's a song for the radio
  Here's a line from the heart 

[Az]

I Just Want You

[Week 4 - I Just Want You]

 I guess my Saturday started a little bit "early" today. In less than 4 hours, I will be on my way to D.C., ready for my very first formal/social Sigma event (I will be doing a blog update on this aspect of my life later). and potentially will be occupied all weekends. Thus, here I am, 4:23am in the morning trying to finish off the last paragraph on flies and wasp sexual behaviors and their unbalanced sex-ratio when I got distracted by the music I am listening to, and decided to take a study break.

 This song was performed by one of my friends in an event for our "CollaborASIAN" month. As I was listening to her warm, rough and somewhat low voice, I fell for the song. It is a cute song with cheesy lyrics, all right. But something about it that makes me feel like, "This is the next song for my Saturday brunch". So here it is, making its appearance in my supposedly "weekly" blog. 

 So one major event this week, I got my plane tickets to go home, finally. Now that I got a whole bunch of those confirmation numbers and letters, I really feel like I'm going home and can never be any more excited.  Nice weather, beaches, coffee shops, shopping and no homework. Hopefully I will be working and be useful this summer. And there are people waiting for me :)

"... Really? You're coming back!? Nice. That means I get to see my heart again, you've been so far for so long with it ....

Don't like the way you putting me on the edge like that, tell me exactly when i can meet you, and be sure that it's the soonest then.

I want to be your special and your first priority....

I in the middle of work so I can't right much but hope you know how you mean to me.

I love you ..."

Cheesy cheesy cheesy ....... Anyway, enjoy your music and support our Asian-American artists --> Asian Awareness Month ^^

[I Just Want You - AJ Rafael]

There's something I gotta say to you
But I'm so afraid of what you'll do
Ooh ooh ooh ooh

I'll just admit this to you now
That I'm stuck on you like glue somehow
Ooh ooh ooh ooh

Don't want to feel so cold inside
I want to feel the warmth that I feel with you, all the time
Surrounding me just like the wind
Cause your the one who makes me sing...
Help me find myself, like how I found you
Ooh ooh ooh ooh

I need you so we can live happily too
Ooh ooh ooh ooh

I just want youuu (X2)

I want to go out with you tonight,
A picnic with candlelight
I might just hold you tight

Tell me you wanna be my queen
If not, it's ok, a princess seems just my type
I promise I'll be there tonight

I wanna keep you warm in winter's white
And in the summer, walks on a beach sound nice

I need you now
To talk with on the phone for hours at a time
Baby, I just want you to be mine, all mine

Help me find myself, like how I found you
Ooh ooh ooh ooh

I need you so we can live happily too
Ooh ooh ooh ooh

I just want you...

I want to be your Valentine,
Your Christmas wish, your pick up line

I want to be the one who knows about your friends and foes,
And the TV shows you love

Look above the stars,
Spell out your name with an exclamation point
'Cause at the end of the day,
You're the one who makes me say...

Help me find myself, like how I found you
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
I need you so we can live happily too
Ooh ooh ooh ooh

I Just Want You (x4)

You gotta wake up slow

[2. Mar 20th - Banana Pancakes]

It's another weekend already and surprisingly, I have time today to allow myself an hour or so rolling around in bed and enjoying the morning before getting up for breakfast/brunch. I thought to myself, this would have been the perfect song for last Saturday, when the first spring sprinkles washed away the winter's depressing feeling and refreshed the world. This song just puts me at ease. The lyric says it all.

Banana Pancakes 

by Jack Johnson

Well can't you see that it's just raining
there ain't no need to go outside.
But Baby, You hardly even notice
when I try to show you
this song is meant to keep ya
from doing what you're supposed to
waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep
making banana pancakes
pretend like it's the weekend now

And we can pretend it all the time, yeah
Can't you see that it's just raining
there ain't no need to go outside

But just maybe,
halaka ukulele
mama made a baby
Really don't mind the practice
cause you're my little lady
lady lady love me
cause I love to lay here lazy
we could close the curtains
pretend like there's no world outside

And we can pretend it all the time
and can't you see that it's just raining
there ain't no need to go outside
ain't no need ain't no need *mmmm* *mmmmm*
Can't you see, can't you see
rain all day
and I don't mind.

The telephone singing ringing it's too early don't pick it up
we don't need to
we got everything we need right here and everything we need is enough
just so easy
when the whole world fits inside of your arms
do we really need to pay attention to the alarm?
wake up slow, *mmm* *mmm* wake up slow
But baby You hardly even notice
when I try to show you
this song is meant to keep
from doing what you're supposed to
waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep
making banana pancakes
pretend like it's the weekend now.

And we can pretend it all the time
Can't you see that it's just raining
ain't no need to go outside
ain't no need ain't no need
rain all day and I really really really don't mind
Can't you see, can't you see,
you gotta wake up slow.

Here's a song for the radio
Here's a line from the heart
[Az]