Be a dream catcher.

The Saigon that I've always been in love with.There are days that I just sit at street corners or at coffee shops, blankly staring at people and vehicles passing by.  Feel invisible, like no one knows me, and no one cares.And just not think, or worry.

Hello December :)

[Inspired by Galadarling]
December 1st



Put up your tree, or some Christmas decoration & consider doing things a little differently this year! It's a tradition in our family for all of us to decorate the tree together. 
One year my mother bought this magnificent black tree, & usually decks it out with white feathers, silver mirrored disco balls, crystals &other marvellous things. She’s using the same tree this year, but it’s accented with red.Red roses, red birds, red berries & strings of pearls. EPIC!
This year, we decide to do something different. We hung up a GIANT red star with colorful lights, and streams, wreaths and lights everywhere else. Our house looks like it's on fire, but hey, there's no one around, gotta lighten up things ;)


I love Christmas decorating and I usually do this with my roommate Diamonique every year. We would listen to Alvin & the Chipmunks (and annoy the heck out our hallmates) and cover the doors with wrapping papers, hang up lights, draw/make decorations together. I miss her this year.


So please, make sure to decorate your tree while listening to something appropriately Christmas-y (if not Alvin and the Chipmunks), like A Very She & Him Christmas, Sufjan Stevens Presents Songs for Christmas, David Ian: Vintage Christmas, Hipster’s Holiday: Vocal Jazz and R&B Classics, or these MP3s!


December 2nd



                              
Get yourself — & whoever you live with — some rad Christmas items that you can wear around the house! 
I'm not a big fan of bright colors, but I start wearing red a lot when it's Christmas time, and furry stuff ;)
This year, I put red and green collars on my new puppies, and add jingle bells on them too. Whenever they run, it's hilarious!
Plus, it’s important to have something sweet to wear while you unwrap your presents on Christmas morning… Don’t you think?!


December 3rd





 Get started on your Christmas cards! Make it your mission to find great notepaper or stationery for writing them. It doesn’t have to have a reindeer on it or anything like that; something simple & chic will do the trick! I always have purple cards, because it's me!


This year I get the chance to experience going shopping for Christmas card at the central of the city, close to Duc Ba Cathedral again. Reminded me of all those middle school and high school years when tons of us would fight over a good and cheap Christmas card, and laugh when we gave out the same card to each other. Handing out cards and gifts during school was such a blast.


I think Christmas is a wonderful time to remember everyone who has been a special part of your year. Start writing your notes to them now. Even a couple of lines thanking them for being in your life will mean so much, & be so appreciated! Post them out as soon as you can, or if you don’t think they’ll get there in time, scan & email them!




December 4th


Help someone else. December can be a month of joy, but it can also be a time of enormous sadness for people who are less fortunate than us. We’re always able to help others, but somehow it seems easier in December, so start today & see if you can carry the momentum through into the new year!


Have a look around your house, & gather up any clothes, toys or household items you don’t need. Then take them to a women’s shelter or an organisation that helps people. As you look around, remember that coats, blankets, & other warm things are especially important when the temperature drops, & most of us have at least one of these that we could spare without too much trouble.


We don't have such cold weather in Vietnam but it's still worth giving away something. Everyone deserves gifts during this time of the year.




December 5th



Decide to do Twelve Dates of Christmas! Yep! The idea is that you & your beloved make time for 12 dates over the month of December. They can be as silly or as elaborate as you like. Maybe some of them can be items from this activity guide, too!


If you're single, try these out with your gay friend or your best girlfriends. They would still be as much fun, I promise. Just be creative ;)


If you need extra inspiration, Marci catalogued all her dates here! I love this idea so much!


December 6th


Make paper snowflakes! It is definitely NOT snowing where I am, but snowflakes are a truly fabulous symbol of winter & all things magical. With this in mind, why not sit down tonight with some paper, some scissors, some glue & a whole lot of glitter, & make paper snowflakes?! If you’re feeling really crafty, you can put them on a string & hang them all around the house, which I did <3


December 7th




Have your photo taken in front of a display window!
It's a fabulous time when all the shops have a "silent competition" on who has the best display window. AND, who cares about what people think, it is just fun to take pictures in front of those Chanel snow balls or Dior Rudolph or doing some silly mannequin poses.
Gotta spice up your shopping time ;)




December 8th



Bake cookies! Or truffles. Or anything.
 Christmas just isn’t Christmas without the scent of sugary evil wafting through the house. Christmas is the perfect excuse for me to go crazy. Being home kinds of stop me from making too much sweets since my family doesn't like sweets, but truffles are my favorite things. They make me happy, and people around me, too.


So here are some recipes which sound great, & are simple… Super-chunky chocolate cookies; gingerbread cookies; cinnamon-spiced hot chocolate cookies(yum!); peppermint-chocolate sandwich cookies & chocolate cheesecake candy-cane bars.


I’d be pretty happy to have any of those in my kitchen, wouldn’t you?! Make a shopping list & then get cracking!




December 9th


Go ice-skating!
I can't in Vietnam, but it's a fun thing to put on the list.





December 10th





 Eat an entire box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates! Or Godiva's.
This one doesn’t need much explanation, surely… Pure indulgence!




December 11th





Go out with your favourite person & drink hot chocolate. If you ask me, there are few things better than spending time with someone who you think is sublime. Add hot chocolate to that combination & you have a recipe for massive success!


Make it your mission to scout out the very, very best hot chocolate in your area, & then make a date. If your search comes up a bit flat, though, don’t despair! MarieBelle Aztec Hot Chocolate comes in a tin, & is one of the BEST EVER hot chocolate experiences. (It’s basically just melted chocolate in a cup. Incroyable!)




December 12th



Make a Christmas wish list!
Who doesn't want a wish list for Christmas?




December 13th





Carry chocolate coins in your purse & give them to people who make you smile!
You can substitute with candy canes, if you prefer! Who knows me know that I always stock up sugar canes (even 3 months after Christmas, especially the colorful and yummy flavor ones because I hate mint, lol. I got Life Savers and Dum Dum flavors last year :)


Um… This is also good if you’re exhausted while out shopping for gifts & need a sugary pick-me-up!




December 14th





Make a gingerbread house! If you’re feeling really ambitious, you can make your own from scratch (quite the undertaking!)


December 15th





Give yourself a festive manicure! The time is nigh! If you’re not sure what to do, how about red nails with a “snowy” white tip? You could paint snowflakes or gifts on your thumb, or just go for red & white stripes. If you’re good with a nail-art pen, you could even try drawing Rudolph! Oh my! I did an entire snowy scene with snowman one year. When I get lazy, I do candy canes pattern because it is super easy and still looks cute.


 I'm going to try something super crazy this year.




December 16th


Plan a little holiday soiree! It doesn’t have to be anything dramatic — maybe you all make & decorate ornaments for one another’s Christmas trees, perhaps you bake cookies, or maybe you drink so many “festive” cocktails that you break into a karaoke version of Don’t Stop Believin’ that shatters some kind of world record. Either way, you can NEVER have too many parties in December! I'm thinking about a barbeque by the riverside this year. Spending time with friends are fun.




December 17th



Wrap all your gifts! I always think it’s nicer to do it at home, rather than having a shop assistant do it for you. You can buy the most amazing holographic paper, crazy springy bows & lovely bits & bobs to put on the top of a parcel if you know where to shop.


Additionally, Matchbook magazine’s December issue has a fantastic wrapping guide starting on page 52! (I love the idea of using newspaper & fancy baubles, or bells or doilies.)
Wrapping is an art-form which requires plenty of practice, so if your first attempts aren’t too gorgeous, don’t worry about it. Making the effort will make people smile either way!






December 18th


Take a family portrait! ...Even if your “family” just consists of you & your dog, or you & your best friend, it doesn’t matter. Ask someone to take your picture, or throw your camera on a tripod & use the self-timer function! Sometimes during the holidays, it can get so crazy that we forget to take photos to preserve the moments (& hold onto the memories!). I rarely home for Christmas and my sister is getting married soon, who knows when will be the next time we'll all be together again during Christmas.





December 19th





Watch Winter Fashion Shows, to make you feel all pretty and beautiful. A girl deserves to feel like she's on top of the world, or to dream being so.


  
December 20th



Walk or drive all around your city to see the best Christmas lights! Even the Grinchiest anti-Christmas party-pooper can’t help but smile at the sight of hundreds of Christmas lights. There’s just something beautiful & magical about them which makes us all feel young again. Even if there aren’t many crazy, decked-out houses to be seen in your area, make a pilgrimage to your city’s oversized Christmas tree. Bask in the glow & soak up the atmosphere! AND TAKE PICTURES. I love love love being on the motorcycle in vietnam in these occasion. Very special feeling.




December 21st


Go all out with your Christmas-themed dressing! Yes! Sweaters? Bust ‘em out! Christmas-themed earrings? Put ‘em on! Anything with a bow on, that makes you look like a present? What are you waiting for?! I’d also recommend dressing up any small animals or children you can find, too! I think Dolly would make a great elf! Who cares, just do things that make you happy. I love love love accessories, so I always pile up on that.




December 22nd



Get mistletoe-happy! I’ve never bought mistletoe. In fact, I don’t even think I’ve everSEEN mistletoe in person! To me, a non-American, it has always just seemed like something from movies! But today is the day — I have officially decided — to buy & hang mistletoe. Then get to smoochin’! (Of course!)




December 23rd



Go out & look at all the Christmas windows. There’s something so lovely about them! They’re so much more special than usual, & the creativity is magnificent. You’ll see animatronic creatures, constantly falling snow & beautiful scenes. There is such an art to window-dressing, & Christmas is when you get to see the best of the best. Have a wander & get inspired!






December 24th



 Dress up and go to midnight mass! Oh, & get ready for Santa, of course!


December 25th



 Make your own new tradition today. Maybe that tradition is falling asleep after lunch, or snuggling up together to watch a favourite movie after you’ve unwrapped your gifts. Maybe it’s inviting over all your friends who don’t have family in town this year. Whatever it is, make it something that makes you truly, truly happy.

Daily Note: Students

Students, students, students, you guys are driving me crazy ... but make me happy at the same time.
Wonder if I was like you 7 years ago - I probably was: full of myself, thought that I knew everything and annoying as hell, yet full of ambition, and confidence, and dreams.

You guys reminded me of all those nights when I stayed up to study SAT and TOEFL, to write essays and fill in college applications. I knew exactly all the feelings that you are going through: to be nervous before the tests, to be excited picking out schools and thinking about the new life in the US, to be disappointed when things aren't going the way you want to.

I've never thought I'd be the teacher type of person, I have no patience for kids, any type of kids, lol. But working with you guys, I see myself and that makes me want to help you even more, as a friend. It makes me happy when you call me after the exams and tell me how well you did. And to be able to experience all over again all the emotions of excitement, homesickness, confusion, etc. whenever you guys call/chat with me when you have gotten in to your dream college and living the American dream.

Students, you drive me crazy. But you reminded me of the time when I was just as crazy, and annoying. Every time I stand in class, I re-find my own dream and ambition in you guys, and keep going because I'm still just a freaking twenty-two year old college kid who still have a lot to learn.

Study time ;)

Christmas 2009 - Christmas 2011

6 years of friendship, a few months of more than friendship, and 2 years of broken heart, I can't believe I have the courage to face you again, or to sit close behind you on your motorcycle, lean on your shoulder and feel your warmth.

And feel nothing more than just caring deeply for each other.

Many years have gone by and you're still able to make me laugh, and forget about everything that upsets me. You know my favorite restaurant, my favorite café, and know exactly how to order my dessert and coffee. You know my favorite spot where I like to watch the city lights and enjoy the comfortable silence between us. You know how I like to walk in the rain, and realize when I get cold even if I try to deny it. You just know, a lot, about me and how to make me happy, the simplest type of happiness.

I realize that we still avoid the other places that we used to go - our first date, our first kiss - all the places that filled up with memories. Memories of a time we had together.


I have missed you, and the way I feel when I'm with you.

You: "Why did we break up, again?"
Me: "Sweetie, we never did begin anything."

Yet, the loneliest moment when I have no one by my side, you're here for me.

Thanks for giving me a place to come home to, mi amor. 

Thanks for holding my hand whenever I need someone to hold on to, and to complain about life

"Life has ups and downs. When things keep going down, do a flip and turn it around."

Every time I am going through an emotional rollercoaster, I write, at the risk of putting myself out there, the risk of unveiling myself for all the world to see, at the risk of getting hurt even more. Although, I give myself time to buffer all the turmoil in my head, and my heart - enough time to let go off all the intense emotions, but still plenty of time for them to linger on and do some damages.

I've started to pull out my "In case of Emergency" playlist again - really didn't think I would have to do this so soon. I've been listening to music, looking through old text messages, chat conversations and emails, and broke down in between for a moment or two.

I have always thought that I am quite good at being emotionally detached to things, places and people; or thought that I've beaten myself enough to learn the lesson by now. The fact is, I am independent because I have to. I protect myself because I have to. Growing up having to live through the loneliest moments and hardest situations by myself. while having to put on the strong front for others, I have become how I am now. I learned by harsh reality that I had no one to rely on. Every time I let my guard down and try to give the softer side a chance to come out, nothing good came out of it. However, I admit that I do get attached and become more emotional than I want to. So the moment I feel like my life has fallen into a pattern and starts to become too stable, I switch it up, change things around, go to new places, cut tied strings and move on. All of that so I get into a habit of "getting bored easily", and keep myself under control.

Yet, once in a while, I've done it again.

I'd gone in it, as I usually go into theses things with guys, looking at them as nothing more than bystanders, as temporary witnesses to my life, and for about a few months it worked. Until I started to actually feel. And once I realized this, I felt like running as I always do when these things come about. I felt like running for the hills, for somewhere far away, for my freedom. Yet, with the fear of heartbreak still settling in my stomach, and the feeling of being emotionally scarred nostalgically rising in my throat...I went for it.

I wasn't in love. Let me make that clear.

I'm unsure why I even I let him in, maybe it was to be brave, to finally take a chance with something (or someone), thinking the conventional "you never know unless you try" way. Or maybe I thought I deserved to be happy for once. Or maybe I wasn't even thinking at all, just feeling it. I took a chance, and yet here I am, listening to depressing music and writing depressing entries. How many of these things I had, and will write year after year, I wonder.

Let me make it clear again, I was not "in love" even if it seems like it. I simply liked the guy, and the way I felt when I was with him. 


I've been through worse, I know, but this one really hurts. I think what hurts the most, is not that it's over, or that he still hasn't shown a single sign that he wants me back (or probably he never will). It hurts because I took a risk, gave myself too much credits, took on too much of a challenge, and got beat. Beat down pretty bad. And I know I will get over this one, as I have in the past, but for now I'm thinking of  those who say "Take risks! if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise". Well I've lost, and I'm not feeling very wise, just hurt and a little bit hopeless. Because as much as I read quotes that cheer me on claiming "At least you tried!" I'd rather have not tried at all, I'd rather have stood on the sidelines safely and not have gotten hurt.

But it's too late for that now.

Actually, I take that back. Those months were the happiest months I have been for a very long time, and I would not want to change a thing. But now, I just feel drained and exhausted, and wonder if I would ever be able to do something like this again. I am pretty much back to my old self but still, I feel like a part of myself has gone. It was too much for me. I realize that I started losing control, and I couldn't be the calm and collected person I have always been. And I'm just simply scared that I would be one of those girls. I just can't be one of those girls, ever. Because it's not me, and if I can't be the one he liked me for, I should no longer be with him.

The biggest part of me wants him out of my mind, out of my heart, out of my bones, and I even get angry at myself for thinking of him, remembering him.

Missing him.

I'm not sure there is a point to this entry. I am not writing to ask him to come back to me, nor am I writing to tell him that I am finally moving on. I am simply writing because I still like him. I still like him and I hate myself for it everyday. And that I miss him. 

Been missing him since the moment I said it was over between us.


 Did I give up on us too early? 

Perhaps, after all, my feelings weren't strong enough. Or I wasn't strong enough to keep going, to keep us going.

[az]