How'd you like your coffee?

“Good morning, on July 7.

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours”

Yes, indeed, this is the famous love letter that was quoted more than once in Sex and the City. I was so impressed, and moved, by the phrase “ever thine, ever mine, ever ours” that I went out of my way to do a research on whether there exists such a book as “Love Letters from Great Men” in an attempt to get my very own copy. The truth is, there was no such book (what a shame). However, since these are, indeed, love letters from great men, it wasn’t at all difficult to attain a copy of them.

Going through these heart-moving letters one by one really gets me thinking: what if one day, I wake up and find a version of a so-called love letter, hand written and fill with sweet, romantic words, left by an anonymous being on my desk, how would I feel?

Would my heart flutters with warm feelings, knowing that in this world, there is a person who would welcome me with such a special “good morning” it makes my day filled with radiant sunlight and an unlimited source of energy? Would I be so captivated by his words that I would immerse myself in the world of him and my love for him?

That certainly does not sound right to me. Indeed, this, would be my reaction: “What the fuck?”, with a raised eyebrow, goosebumps and a doubtful mind. I would be filled with such confusion and agitation and would tell my friends as if it was a joke. They would reply with “ew”, “yuck” and as many negative words as one can imagine.

Although, deep inside, I probably was waiting for a confirmation that such a romantic movement still exist in this world. I thought to myself, isn’t it strange how girls watch tearful dramas and heart-felt movies, they read novels and fictions that are filled with Prince Charming and sweet moments, dreaming of their own story, yet, when they face with their dreamt scenes in reality, they turn away with such hostility. As for myself, I feel perfectly comfortable without a relationship. I enjoy the feeling of being in control and independent. Affectionate actions and smooth words, for me, associate with phony guys and send the shiver down my spine.

When I put my status as “How would you feel if one day you walk out of the door and see the love of your life” and the only answer I got was “then you know that he is a freaking traitor because nothing is worth love at first sight”, I know that the situation has reach the alert level. They just can’t take it, can they?

It really gets me thinking. Have we settled for a sugar-free existence? I mean, nowadays, we accept Tasty Delight instead of ice cream, a cup of concentrated café au lait with absolute no sugar, emails instead of letters, screaming music instead of love songs, jokes instead of poetry. It is no wonder when we face the real thing, we can’t stomach it. Is it something we could learn to digest, once again? Or have we all become romantic – intolerant?

I wonder, have I forgotten the feeling of anxiously waiting for a familiar figure to appear at the classroom’s door? Have I disregard the helpless attempt to control the blood rushing to my cheek or to control the heart that is furiously out of beat? Have I ignored the exuberant feelings after receiving even a three-word text, yet gaining a source of energy that would lead me through the day with the smile constantly on my face, feeling like I’m flying above the ground? Have I not taken into consideration the warmth of the fingers that take my hands protectively when I couldn’t find my way in the dark? Or have I not thought about the arms that put around me tenderly and the voice that sooths away my frustrations and tears?

It seems that once my heart gets hurt, I forget all about the sweetness and all that remains are pain and wounds. Somebody has said, love gives girls energy and motivation. I wonder how much energy and motivation toward the next love does a girl need to be able to move on? I wonder if the consequences are so great that I even have to tell myself that I must build up my own immune system to defend against the sugar-coated toxic virus.

Human are weak, because it hurts, we try to avoid it. However, would it be a shame if because of the fear of the bitterness, we deny our moments of sweetness?

Would you really want to enjoy a delightful cup of café au lait with cream and sugar? Or would you rather endure the bitterness to spare the consequences that the tiny teaspoon for sugar would do to their heart and blood pressure? That, is your decision to make.

After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart, the best we can do is breath, and reboot. And when that fails, a little spoon of optimism and hope can provide us with a surprising amount of comfort.

So can a boyfriend, if you can learn to let him in (and learn not to say “What the fuck?” on receiving a love letter.)

[Az]
Sept 7, 09