[Sololiquy]

Rain. White sky, white space. Needles and needles of water are stabbing into the barren ground.

Wind. Turns and turns of freezing wind are screaming in the dazzling white cosmos.

You hate rain. You hate this gloomy weather which always seem to try to bring everything down with it.

I imagine you sitting by the window, drown in the color of pure white, with a dream like expression on your face. How strange it is to see your bright smile and happy face being replaced with a thoughtful and melancholy expression. You are just sitting there, looking like you are dreaming about some far away fantasy world – one that exists only in those heartfelt, happy-ending Disney movies that you love to watch whenever the real world lets you down.

It’s so unreal, didn’t look out below, watch the time go right out the window, trying to hold on…

It’s raining. Rain is the same everywhere, real or unreal. After all, it will return to where it has begun - the ocean. Life is similar - the little circle of life. Sometimes you wish that time would freeze so you can live in sweet dreams and never have to wake up? Maybe you wonder how unfairly destiny treats you by giving you all and then take them away from you.

Life hurts sometimes, and sometimes it can be hard, but it won’t always be that way. There has to be a reason for you to live

Yiruma is playing his heartbreaking melodies. So many times I have told you that I would fall hopelessly in love with a sweet and warm singing voice accompanied by the soothing melody of the piano, like Yiruma, with vocal. You are listening, aren’t you? Those miraculous notes take away your fear and are the lullaby that you yearn for every night. I wish I would be able to play the piano just like this unforgettable melody of sadness that the rain is playing.

Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.

Have you ever wondered what the real “me” is? Is it the cheery and enthusiastic girl who always smiles and loves to make people smiling? Or is it the thoughtful, emotional and vulnerable girl who hides inside? Or is it just me when I’m with you?

If you draw out what you are feeling, you will be able to feel a little bit better, you know?

Is it possible for other people to understand others’ feelings, even just a little bit? To have a person to understand you is hard, isn’t it? It takes timeso be patient, my little girl, just wait and your time will come. There must be someone out there in this world of millions and millions human being. There has to be, has to be, has to be.

Naturally, human does not know what is right and wrong

You know, what is right is what you believe. Are you trying to hard? Are you not trying hard enough? Should you give up or should you keep on going? The answers are all in your heart – listen, and follow.

Just forget about yesterday. There’s no point in being upset. The importance is tomorrow. Keep thinking about the future and keep on going. Even if tomorrow is going to be difficult, there will always be the day after tomorrow. If it still does not go the way you want, there will still be the day after that

You know what you want – make it come true.

As long as you live, that’s what you want: to have a reason to go on. As long as there’s hope, you are not going to give up.

You always joke that you are spoiled and you know it is true. You claim yourself as a strong, independent girl, yet being dependent has become part of you “style”. You like to be taken care of and you want attention. Is that what you always ponder upon? Staring at the rain, are you thinking that there is no one in this world who cares for you? That is not true, my girl, because there is always me. Nevertheless, as much as I want to spoil you, to take you in my arms and protect you from all the cruelty in the world, you know I cannot be here forever.

Have you thought about spreading you wings and fly in to the real world? Are you ready for that, my little girl?

If it’s just a little bit of difficulty and you have already depended on other people, that is not good. What if, someday, everything and everyone that you depend on disappear?

Are you scared? Are you afraid of that day to come, my dear? Are you anticipating the moment with anxiety and insecurity? You said that nobody is perfect and that is the reason why you need the others me.

No one can live by himself

Is that what you think? Is that why you always get hurt so easily? Emotions are you strength, but they are also your weakness.

You can close your eyes to things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to things you don’t want to feel

Is that your excuse? If it is, it sounds pretty damn reasonable. Are you wishing that you had never put on that strong cover on yourself? Are there times when you just want to cry out loud? Are there times when you just want to break down and just don't bother to get up, just lying there in the middle of time and space, waiting for someone so come and pick you up?

Is that why you always have happiness on your face and bury the melancholy deep inside? Are you preparing yourself for something to happen so that you will be strong enough not to be defeated by agony?

Things happen when you least expect them to happen

Are you feeling insecure? Are you worried that because things are going too well, it will come right back at your face the next minute? Are you happy or are you sad? Are you regretting what you did?

It is not a coincidence that we meet each other. We don’t just pass by each other in life.

You said that you believed in fate. Do you know, my dear, that fate can be cruel?

Don’t cry. Keep smile!

Is that what you tell yourself every day in order to overcome the cruelty of destiny? Have you ever felt hopeless? Have you ever felt like you just want to give up everything? Have you ever felt like you are all alone in this world? Listen, my dear, the reason why you feel alone is because the stars around you are suffering, hesitating along with you. Shh! Listen to them. You will understand when you grow stronger and realize your surroundings. You’re not alone, my dear. Live as you want to live and ignore the destiny that torments you. And in the end, laugh at its face. You can do it, can’t you?

You know, your smile may make a person’s day. Your laugh can lift up an unhappy soul. Do you realize how much you mean to others? Are you thinking that nobody cares for you? In fact, you know, the world is a much better place with you in it. It is not a dream, isn’t it? You may ask. It is raining, and the world drowning in raindrops is a miracle. You are looking at the rain, immersing your feelings in your little dream.

Rain - coming to an end.

[az]