Home is where the heart is

Sometimes I get annoyed at myself for writing about the same topics over and over again, but it is actually really nice that every year I can re-read things that I did previous years and see how much I have changed, or haven't changed.

Every year I would write about my vacation in Vietnam, and how it feels when I have to leave home and come back to school. I thought it would be the same every year but when all my entries are in fact all different. It was so much fun reading about times spent with family and friends, and how depressed I was every single year, lol. 

I thought I had an extra long break this year since I took an extra week off school. It feels just as short. I can't believe that my last college vacation will be over in approximately 12 hours. And I haven't even packed yet (showing how exciting I am to be back to school, not). I guess it also because I spent an entire week visiting my sister in Philly. I'm glad I was able to spend Christmas with her, otherwise she would be lonely during Christmas being so far away from the rest of the family. Marriage life is not easy to adapt to after all. I also got to see New York city during Christmas for the first time and hung out with my best friend. We used to get together every time I came home, but now since that Dung also studies in the US, I haven't seen her for almost 3 years. Although we still talk on the phone quite often, I feel like we never run out of things to tell each other. I miss all those times when we laugh, we cry, we curse out boys over the phone. It was so much nicer to see her in person, and introduced her to my Rochester friends (thanks to Jess and Marcial who escorted us all around the city).  I love love love the city during Christmas full with people and exciting things. All the holiday shop displays put me in such a Christmas mood. My dream would be able to go to all the famous shows in the city, like Lion King at Broadway, the Rockettes at Radio Music Hall, or the Nutcrackers ballet show. I still have so many dates with the city I guess.

Other than that, I didn't really do much this break. My house is so far from everything that it's such a pain to go anywhere. I feel bad making my parents drive me 45 minutes back and forth just so that I can have coffee with friends. I did have lots of fun catching up with people though. I got to see those who I worked with for the past 3 years (well, during the time when I'm home only). I love the fact that I am the youngest teacher among everyone, so everyone spoil me hardcore, and take me everywhere to eat and play. I miss my students too, even if I''m not that much older than them, they look up to me in such a way that makes me smile. Being a part of Yola is probably the best decision I have ever made. If I didn't come across that tiny ad on a random Vietnamese website, I wouldn't meet the all the talented and smart people that I am friend with right now. At the same time, they are so down to earth and so much fun to hang out with. I always feel like I belong, right at the first moment. Especially now that not many of my friends are home anymore, without them, I would have no idea who to spend time with when I come home.

I am also very happy to see Mew and Thu. No matter how many years have gone by and how much we have changed, we can always sit down and catch up on our lives. I barely talk to either of them during the year anymore since we are all busy and our groups of friends and things we do have become so different. It makes me sad a little bit, but it is something that you can't control as you grow up. As long as we can still come together and there's no awkward silence when we are together, that's all it matters to me.

 Besides having meals and chilling at coffee shops, I spent lots of time this break at home helping my mom around the house. It is actually really fun teaching her how to bake, and seeing how my dad try to tell us what to do too. Both of them are still picky at food as usual. If my cake is not perfect, taste and appearance, then no one would touch it =.= I have also become this old lady who would enjoy relaxing at home than spending all the time to get ready to go out. I mean, I do that all the time when I'm in the US and I never have time to relax there, so may as well take advantage of it while I can.

Such a perfect life

This guy, 3 weeks without replying to any of my text or fb messages, I thought he disappeared on me again like 2 years ago. I know he only shows up when he needs me, yet to hear his voice, and to see his face comforted me. Even if I don't hear from him, I know he will always be here for me to come home to. I have to thank him for always noticing my sadness without me saying anything. Times like those, he would drive me to the ocean and hold my hand all the way. I love these spontaneous trips, because I love the ocean and enjoy being taken care of. Also, he is probably the only person who can show up at my door and get my parents' approval to take me on an overnight trip.

 

Not a big fan of taking these types of pictures

 but  moments like these are important to capture. 

For many reasons, this year, I'm dreading going back to the states more than ever. I just don't want to leave. I even consider the option of coming back home for a year like my parents suggested. I have nothing here and no one here. I know I would go crazy because of boredom and lack of freedom if I stay home, but I actually considered it for a second. You know, people always say that you're only excited to go to a place when there's something waiting for you, whether it's new adventures, or memories, new people, or old people. And the reason why you want to stay at place is because there are still things that you don't want to leave behind. In the past, yes, I have been attached to being home and I am reluctant to go away because I like the things I have here. But I was not afraid to come back to the US because I knew I had something to look forward to. I had people I wanted to see, people that I missed, and those who wanted me to be back. This year, I feel like it would not hurt if I don't come back. I don't have anyone waiting for me. No one who would  be dying to see me, and would be happy because of my presence. I know that there are friends who have been asking about me and told me they wanted to see me back, but I'm sure it is not like my presence will affect their lives that much. Or at least I don't feel that way. Previous years, I felt the importance of my presence, or putting it another way, there was someone to make me feel special. Now, I know the only people who will be really sad without me would be my parents, and my little sisters. Other than that, no one cares. It doesn't matter. Man, what have I done to become such an replaceable person. I look at my favorite Chanel quote everyday and still don't know how to be "different" in such a place to become irreplaceable. 

I probably am also afraid of all the stress I have to face once I get back. It is so nice not having to worry about anything but which kind of face mask I should put on today. It is so nice to watch movies and play all day until midnight, get a full 8 hour of sleep and wake up to delicious breakfasts and coffee. There's no crappy meals eating on the way to work. There's no long nights with hardly any sleep. No exams, no work up to my nose, and no one to make me sad, or stressed. 

I'm such a spoiled kid at home, and it makes me wonder why I wanted to leave this place in the first place. I would have such a luxurious and carefree life if I had stayed here. At the moment I'm writing this, my dad is packing my luggage and my mom is cutting up more fruits and making juice for me. See, don't have to lift a finger for anything.

However, I think it's time for me to get back to the US, and get back to real life. My spirit belongs to no where but I think my heart belongs to this hometown of mine, where the people who care for me will always be.

[az]
Vietnam Jan '13